why one-(wo)man bands are the future of music

In case you may not know, I've been doing a one-man band for the past few months, and I don't mean to get all high and mighty about it or anything, but it's been a pretty neat experience so far. It's do darn enjoyable that I urge anyone who hasn't done it yet to give it a try.

Costs and equipment

It's not that it costs that much money or anything; I already own a decent guitar and an amp, and I had a couple of drums lying around, pretty low-grade stuff, nothing fancy, really (a few years ago at a party I had at my old house, Fuzzy and I had the bright idea of putting the keg in the bass drum I use now, if that tells you anything). In fact all you need is a decent-sounding amp (a late 1960s Fender Bassman -- if you're gonna play guitar in this situation, playing through a bass amp, or anything that'll give you a lot of midrange and low-end is key. I would also suggest using the neck pickup for a woody, percussive sound). I knew a nice slapback sort of echo would be important (to fill in as much space as possible. Heck a good deal of the clicky, percussive sound you hear is guitar) so I initially ran the guitar through a Danelectro Dan-Echo, but the Dan-Echo shit the bed after a while, so I lucked upon a cute little Danelectro Corned Beef reverb pedal in the used room at Fawley Music for about $22.I also run a Kazooka electric kazoo through a Boss distortion pedal, into a cute little Peavey Minx (given to me by my friend Clayton, bless his heart). For me, the distortion pedal is key for the kazoo, because it kinda makes it sound like an old 60's fuzzed-out guitar -- essential to the sound I want. Plus, the Kazooka has a little built-in condenser mic, which you can sing through as well, for that dirty, CB radio vocal sound.

As far as drums and other percussion goes, I have a snare and a bass drum, both operated by foot pedals (again, the used room at Fawley Music came in handy here -- got both of these for around $20 each. Oh, and use a wooden beater on the snare pedal, so it sounds like the snare's being whomped with a drumstick). Attached to each pedal is a strap, with an egg-shaker (about $3) duct taped to each (again, this adds another dimension of rhythm and helps fills up some space). Also attatched to each strap is a small piece of metal, which clangs against a cymbal I have mounted to the bass drum. And, when the moood strikes me, I tap a tambourine with my foot.

Other concerns.

You're gonna have to stabilize the whole mess somehow. Try using the bases of any microphone stands you have lying around. I'd also lay the whole thing on a carpet, so the drums don't go sliding all over the place. The best method for all of this (and for any musical experimentation) is trial-and-error.It's also a load of fun.

Why one(wo)-man bands are, well, the sex.

1) You have the freedom to practice whenever you want. This is a biggie, kids. if you're a o(w)mb, you can have band practice at your own convenience, as often or as infrequently as you like. I'm a once-a-day guy myself.

2) At gigs, you can set up wherever you want. Of course, you'll have to bring a mic and an amp to sing through, but it's worth it if you wanna set up on the floor (instead of the stage, which I do most of the time, to change the rock dialogue and upset the "fan-musician" heirarchy a bit). Hell, set up by the jukebox, or in the bathroom. Or by that cute guy or girl at the end of the bar. It's all you.

3) You can even go on tour without having (to buy) a van. All of my gear fits nicely into the trunk and backseat of my little Ford Escort. As Watt says: "Jam Econo."

4) You think two-pieces are fucking punk? Well, try the one-piece. A few years ago, the duo was all the rage. The
o(w)mb is the next logical step. You seriously can't get any more DIY than (quite literally) doing it all yourself.

5) Contrary to popular belief, not all O(W)MB music is psychobilly. Not to diss on any of these hardworking dudes (fucking massive respect to Hasil Adkins (r.i.p.), Bloodshot Bill, Scott Biram, Joe Buck, Almighty Do Me A Favor and Dan Schooley, who are simply choosing to play the music that they wanna play and are all fuckin' amazing at it) but just about everytime I've told people I do a OMB, they assume it's a blues-based, quasibilly, hypersexualized romperstomp (which at times it is, I confess, but I don't really have the hair or the threads to really do it right), however, as a o(w)mb you can explore any genre you want, or if you're like me, and don't really believe in genres you can play any number of beats you want, in any meter you want, at any tempo you want, using whatever chord structure you want. You can be Hasil, sure, but you can also be Pavement, the Wedding Present, The Fall, Crass, Guided By Voices, Wire, Huggy Bear, Beat Happening, The Ramones or Sonic Youth. The only limitation you have is your creativity. Just keep practicing.

6) Since it's just you up there, you don't have to come up with a 'clever' band name. Need I explain more?

7)O(W)MBs are downright revolutionary. In today's homogonized musical climate, screaming your guts out while playing a McGyvered mess of jacked-up instruments all at once is a poltical statement in itself (of course, we may quibble over terms, but I agree with Legs McNeil when he said that "don't step on my blue suede shoes" was the most important political statement in the history of rock and roll, 'cos it was about respecting other people's personal space). At any rate, the very idea of a O(W)WB is the access principle taken to its fullest extreme. We're a blood-sucking tick in the polluted, acne-ridden ass of Sony Music.

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Thanks for reading, and I'll see you at the next show.